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Subject:things are all flipped upside down....and scattered
Time:05:46 pm
Current Mood:insufficiant?
scared lately. really scared. i dont want to loose what i have, but at teh same time im trynig desperately to strip myself of particular current situations that have turned out to be some bother. run ons, what do you know... i attepmted to lay out some floor plans to a house i wont easily attain any time soon... my mind wonders off toplaces im told it shouldnt be, but i constantly battle myself to keep it in my head, in its place, where it belongs. i thinki have problems. i think i bother someone important. i have baggage, serious baggage. i never wnated to be one of those girls. guess things turn around fast on you.

well, if you ever read this... i love you dearly stephen mathew leake. you are my guiding star.
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Time:02:20 pm
saterday will be six months with stephen.
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Subject:stephen stephen stephen
Time:10:49 am
why is it that i deserve something so wonderful in my life..... i wake up thinking of him and fall asleep to the very same thoughts... i love him living with me, its incredible....waking up next to someone i care so much about every morning.... i love it... im in such a euphoric state of splendid feelings..... i glow, they say, when im happy.... and i think i have blinding eyes at the moment... it just keeps getting better.... he's the sweetest thing.... i just hope im a good enough match.... i try to do things to make him happy.... try to take care of him too.... hope i do enough....

...in love with stephen....
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Current Music:emeril lagasi
Time:12:23 am
Current Mood:bouncybouncy
come taste life....................... ******** is an ***....a nd i love stephen....the end......
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Time:11:24 pm

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Subject:tonight tonight tonight
Time:03:08 am
i am in a good mood tonight..... falling alseep with him, its not so bad to have to wake up at 2 or 4 to drive home, mandy is asleep on the couch tonight for some reason, i think im gonna try to write in this journal instead of teh other, i want to get pol and kelly outof my head, they only hurt me. i just put kathrin (who already knows this lj) and rachelle on my friends list for this one...... stephen and mandy already read it....... not htat its exciting at all.......... oh well...... so i uess rachelle i really only added you........ so far, i just dont want pol r kely finding it really....... that worries me, i dont feel like dealing with any morepain, things are good now...... wel its 3:12 am, i am tierd, and hungry, i want pickles! but i left them at his house...... i think im doing a better job talkingto people lately by the way, or atleast im trying to...... tomorrow we are all going to some craft showwith m parents in aquaquan..... should be interesting, they are never too fun at all, but i usually get an inspiration or tow, tehn i just love mini car trips with my family..stephen is going, ill feel bad when he is bored out of his mind...... oh well, ill try to be intertaining enough....... im making a three foot finial in handbuilding clay class....... its gonna look all rusted i hope, or atleast ill try to get it that way.......itll be or "our" back porch...... im hoping he'll move in with me soon........ ive spoken with my dad about the idea, he likesit, but still has to talk to my mom about it :( oh well, we'll hope for the best right? so i had my first clay critique today, gotan a, woohoo! man im tierd, im gonna go to sleep now........

the end
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Subject:why was a cursed with this loving heart.......... this heart to big to hold my love, is also to big
Time:11:15 am
...to big to not feel pain twice the amount of normal hearts.......

well, ya, kelly and pol will sleep together tonight, i hope with all of my heart that she will love him through it.......
i cant understand why this still hurts me so, they say its normal..... i say, but i love stephen with all of my heart, he is all that i want, always, i have vowed to myself to love him till i die.....and then on from there........ he is the perfect "man" though i dont belive we are grown enough to be men and woman yet...... my mind is old i do feel that, i aged through pain before my time..... i sit in my bathtub when i cry, always have, long as i can remember, who knows why? so why does this still hurt me so, why are tears in my eyes now...... i am content with my life,a nd the way its taking me now......all of a sudden everythin ghas started looking up for me, so why when i remember do i still feel that missin gpiece of my heart, i look at it liek that, i loved pol for a very long itme, over a quarter of my life i loved him, so a large part of myheart has been ripped out...... i guess when memoies brin gmy mind around to those parts gon emissing that is when i get sad...... im sure i will do well soo enough with it..... but at once it is very difficult to except..... i want stephen to hold me now while i cry....... if he does get to ive with me soon, which i am wishing for more than anyhting ive wished before........ he could come home from his satifying job that makes him feel proud of himself each day and if i ws hurting liek this he would come in and see me through the lace curtains sitting in the bath tub, clothed and wrapped in a quilt my momma made, he would pull back the curtians enough to join me, he wouldnt ask questions, just hold me till the tears dried from my cheeks.......and all would be perfect...... i thinkis going to take care of me, and i in turn, will give everythingi can to taing care of him, of his heart....... we are emnt fo reach other....... i always said if i cant marry my daddy, he willhave to possess the same loves, the same moral standings, and have as much love inhis heart as my daddy, wellive found that anmuch more in stephen. the perfect person, my dream..... at last this dreamers found a way to dream whiel shes awake.....

god i love this boy so muchi cant express it words that do it justice.......

words cant do this love justice......

i love you stpehn mathew leake ( i gave it one t since your not sure on it)

...........................your girl
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Time:05:16 pm
WHEN WILL I BE BEAUTIFUL?????????????????????????
????????????????WHEN WILL I BE PRETTY????????????
??????????????????????????WHEN WILL I GET TO LOOK
THE HEART"???????????????????????????????????????
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Subject:kathrin if your reading this at all.....
Time:11:36 pm
i really miss you......
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Subject:...wrote this one for mandy a few years back, just found it, and her responce to it, made me smile..
Time:03:21 pm
"the worst poem ever written"

this is my stupid poem
for stupid mandy
(you're not really stupid
i just dont knwo how to rhyme)
i've read all of your poetry
didn't need to though
i've known you all this time
you dont think i do
-beyond untrue
that was good huh?
give me a break
im giving it a try
you dont think i know you
i dont know why
i see you every day
in a very different way
i can see though what others cant
no, im not perfect
but give me a chance
im such a cool person
or it'd be cool if i was
ill keep on pretending
if youll keep on believing
this makes no since
at least not to you
you dont understand
i dont know what to do
your just as cool as I
think you are
and i think
you can be alright
just so you know
screw what anyone else says
you've got me
and i've got you
just two
just me and you

~"Chrisi the Great"
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where daddy told stories and we wove our dreams
View:Recent Entries.
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